My Journey - Warts and All

It's around this time of the year that I normally get a bit reflective and say what the plan is for the year coming. I can honestly say that 2013 has been a horrible year and I can't wait to see the back of it. Professionally, I started my career and had to take a break in the same year. It started apart from all friends and family. A huge plus point though, I made some amazing friends down in Manchester. When I came home, my personal life took a nose dive and impacted me from a work perceptive. I graduated and found out that I was pregnant on the same day. An amazing day! Unfortunately we all know the outcome of the pregnancy. In September, I took on a new challenge to get my mojo back and I'm still working at that. My weight loss disappeared into the ether but I'm human and life got in the way. I plan to pick it back up again in 2014. The year is ending on a sour note though. We lost my granny just over a week ago. She really was an amazing woman. She beat c

I'm not sure what has prompted this blog entry but I just felt like it was the right time to get back to it.  I was sure that it was the right decision when I read my last post at the beginning of September. I was in a horrible place and I'm not sure I realised how bad it was.  I have done what I said in the last post and I'm not in nursing. I've got another job elsewhere making use of my customer service experience, you don't get much better customer service than nursing :-)  My weight loss had all but stopped and I was eating crap. As a consequence I've put on weight and am not heavier than when I started writing this blog. But it's ok because I'm back on it. Today is day 1 and it's started with a bang. I'm writing this after having done a gym session which started at 6am this morning! Keen or what!?!?  I'm also much better in my own head. I suppose what I've learnt is that I have to stop comparing what I went through to othe

Just when I think I'm getting back to normal, something happens and I realise that I'm not.  I'm struggling with everything. I'm fine in one on one company but anymore than that and I'm uncomfortable. I went on a hen night this weekend and although I couldn't stay long (I was working), I felt really awkward. I would normally have been chatting and interacting with other people, strangers or not, but it just wasn't the case. I'm trying to put myself into as many of these situations as I can but that's just making me worse. I've been back to the doctors various times over the last few weeks and now have to go for a hospital appointment. I'm just not coping with life in general. I'm depressed, anxious and not sleeping which is adding to everything else. I wasn't sure about talking about this on here but I promised when I started this that I would be honest and I've got nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.  I

I said in my last post that time was great healer but if I'm honest, the last few weeks haven't been easier.  There have been times when I've felt ok but I'm still having really low, dark days. I've tried to do things to help me start moving on from losing the baby and I do feel like the dark days are getting less frequent. At the moment, I'm feel like I'm battling feelings of failure that I wasn't able to carry either of the babies. I've started seeing a counsellor but I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. Although he did make a good point. I'm lost. I had come to terms with the fact that babies were probably not going to be in our plan and worked on carving out a career for myself. Then when I fell pregnant all my plans were thrown into the air. When I lost the baby, I had to revert to my original plans of a career but I'd had a taste of something that I've always wanted. So I now wanted what I didn't have. I have to find out

It was my birthday on Wednesday and as the subject of this suggests, I turned 31.  I had a lovely day, just pottering about the house then a tour of Fife with my wee day saver ticket.  I didn't actually organise anything for this birthday. I wasn't planning to this year but with everything that happened, I never really got round to it. I'm not sure I'd be up for a big group night out anyway. I'm feeling a bit more sociable but I've only really been out with the same few women over the last few weeks. Not sure I would be ready for a bigger night out........ For the first time in a long while, I'm ok with my age. For my 30th, I went out partied like I was in my 20's (which I realised the morning after was a bad idea). This year was different though, I'm 31 and for the first time in 3 years, I'm working at my career again. My relationship is rock solid and as a couple we're in a fantastic place. Negatively I have just had my 2nd miscarriage but

The old saying is true, time is a great healer.  I went back to work last week and didn't last more than a shift and a half. It was too much too soon. My doctor has signed me off for another 2 weeks. Personally I am feeling better. I did something myself to remember the babies that I lost and I have an idea for something Matt and I can do together.  I'm also starting to think about the future and am starting to take on wee projects. As I write this, my hall/stairs are like a bomb site. The plan for this week is below: • Take the wallpaper off the hall/stairs • Fill the 10 (huge) holes in my hall/stair wall • Gut & paint my living room • Strip the wallpaper off my bathroom • Gut & paint my bedroom That's not necessarily the order that I'll do it in but that's my to-do list.  This week is also the week I go back running. I've been saying it for the last 2 weeks and haven't done it. But that all changes.  I'll never forget the 2 babies that I lost b

I was asked today how I'm feeling about everything and I honestly couldn't answer the question with anything more than I don't know.  I would say that over the last 3 weeks I've been insufferable. The first 2 weeks we didn't know what was happening and we've had a week to deal with the reality of what's happened. My mood hasn't been good for most of it and when my mood does improve, it doesn't last for that long. I'm getting myself out of the house and getting out of bed is easier now.  One thing I do know though is that it's times like this that test your relationship to it's limits. I've said it before but I wanted to dedicate a full post to him. Matt has been amazing! He's been my tower of strength and a solid source of support during everything. Even now, his priority is making sure that I'm ok. I did something yesterday to mark what has happened both in 2004 & now and he was right there at my side. Even when m

I'm actually starting to feel like the big dark cloud hanging over me is starting to lift. For the first time in about 2 weeks I've  managed to get myself out of bed and go out somewhere. I have nowhere in particular that I'm going, I'm just going out. The only reason I was going out before was if I had something to go out for. I hope this means that I'm starting to move in the right direction. I've had people say to me that I should be getting on with it and that life goes on but I wasn't ready. I'm not 100% feeling like myself but I'm getting there. I'm standing at the bus stop as I type this and there is a beautiful little girl in a pushchair sitting staring at me. Today was the first time that it didn't reduce me to tears and believe me, over the last 2 weeks, the tears come wherever I am either in public or private. I think people have thought I've got the worst hayfever ever!! I'm out for lunch & dinner tomorrow with 2 diffe

It's been a horrible few days. We had to face the reality that we had lost the baby and I had to admit it both to myself and everyone else. I've been completely blown away but the level of support that we've received. I knew I had some amazing friends but wow is all I can say. Now we have to spend time as a couple dealing with what's happened. Today we went for nice lunch together and Matt is playing with his new toy. Anyone who knows Matt knows that he loves his music. He has hundreds of CD's and for years they've been stored away in boxes in the spare room. To say thank you to him for all his love, support and care over the last few weeks, I bought him a unit for all his CD's. As I type this, he's sitting going through them putting them into alphabetical order. Bless him...... I'm still not sure what's going on in my head. Loads of emotions are running through my head and I'm not feeling the same thing from one hour to the next. I forced

When I wrote my last blog, I knew that I had some huge news although I didn't think I would be telling our news this early or that this is how it would end. I'm writing about this because I promised this blog would be honest and the last few weeks have had a huge impact on me as an individual and Matt & I as a couple. I discovered at the end of June that I was pregnant. I was so excited and could not believe it. With my PCOS I had given up any hope of falling pregnant naturally. I was over the moon. Unfortunately at 5 weeks I started to bleed. A week later, I had a scan but they couldn't tell me whether the pregnancy was viable anymore so I've had to wait another week. Today it was confirmed that I have lost the baby. The last 2 weeks have been some of the worst I've ever had. I've only been able to fall asleep by imagining that we were told the baby was still growing. But when I wake up it's like a jolt back to reality when I realise that that's

It's been such a busy few weeks for us as a couple.  I started my new job and have been there for 4 weeks now. I'm glad to be home working :-) That said I'm missing my girls from Manchester. I'm going down in August to see them though and I'm crossing my fingers that they can get time off so that I can spend sometime with them even if its just a coffee or dinner after work. They are an amazing group of girls and I'm so excited to catch up with them. Lots to catch up on...... I posted last week about graduating. I had a brilliant day surrounded by my family and then later on by my friends. I can't believe that's uni all over and done with.  My weight loss has gone by the way side at the moment. I've just been too busy to really give it much thought and the same goes for the gym. I'm not being bad, I just haven't tracked as well as I should be.  I was listening to the radio the other day and the presenter was saying that his new wife ha

Well I did it, yesterday I graduated from Uni. I've been working for 6 months now but it was brilliant to graduate. It was a really good day. I had my family at the ceremony and then we went for dinner. Afterwards a few of my friends came out for a few drinks. Congratulations to all my fellow nurses who graduated yesterday. We did it, after 3 years and countless hours in the IT Suite & the Library, it's all over. Now comes the hard bit :-)  Here's a wee picture of part of my family. My mum and auntie are on the other side of the camera.  So here's to the next chapter......... new job, new start :-) 

As I said in the last post, I need to take my weight loss more seriously and part of that is to stop giving myself a hard time over the past. I can't change the past and can only focus on the future and changing my life for the better.h So this post is about looking forward to what's coming over the next wee while.  First thing is that I start back work on Monday. I can't wait!!! It's in the type of ward that I want and back home as well. It's full time and permanent which only sweetens the deal. In a couple of weeks time (in fact exactly 3 weeks today), I officially graduate from uni. I left school when I was 16 and only really had office work type qualifications. I left for a job within the government and I stayed there for years. I was good at office work, I had been taught to type when I was younger because office work was what my mum did for a living. I never really thought I'd do anything else. Then my dad got ill for the first time just as I started w

So I lost a pound this week which I'm chuffed with. I'd only been able to get to the gym once this week and that was Friday. I feel like my body is fighting against me: the week before last I had that infection in my lungs and this week I've been choked with the cold!! Anyway I'm over the worst of it now and planning to get back on it properly as of tomorrow. That's not really what I'm posting about tonight though. We were at a BBQ yesterday for a friend's birthday. It was lovely day, good food, great company. I had a great time. For what I can remember...... I had wwwwwaaaaayyyy to much to drink and I'm really annoyed at myself. Not only are they empty and wasted calories but I'm just over it. The being drunk, the not remembering and the hangover in the morning. I don't do it all the time, I've made it sound like I do it every weekend lol. I go out less than once a month and don't get into a terrible state every time I'm out. I nee

Weight last week - 17st 4lbs (242 lbs) Weight today - 17st 3lbs (241 lbs) LOSS: 1 lb!! Total loss to date: 80lbs

I have a final goal for this weight loss journey of mine. January 2015!! Matt turns 40 in December of 2014 and I've been thinking about his birthday for a couple of weeks now. So the big plans are that I'm going to take him away on a snowboarding holiday in January 2015.    I had a chat with him and he's totally onboard. Location will depend on who would be up for coming. I've put it out to his snow friends and their other halves; if other people are up for coming along, it'll be Europe, if not I'll take him to the States or Canada. I'm just looking for an idea of who might come to know what sort of saving up I have to do.  I can't do anything about it until this time next year but I don't know enough about winter resorts so I need to do research into the resorts not just the hotels. I love all that sort of stuff though :-) So I have approximately 84/85 weeks to get the weight off AND learn to ski or snowboard. That's more than possible. If I

My friend Kalie that I mentioned the other day proposed a new challenge to a few of us yesterday. The 30 day squat challenge. Well that grew arms and legs and there's a wee bunch of us now doing  the 30 squat/crunch/plank challenge. I've enclosed a picture of it below. I have a BBQ with some of the girls next Saturday and as the wine flows, I can see plank and squat competitions lol.  I've done day 1 already this morning and I think the crunches will be my hardest bit. But I'm in the mood for all things exercise so I'm making the most of it. I've been busting my hump this week at the end and although I hurt in places I forgot I had muscles, I've loved this week.  The plan for next week is below: MONDAY Metafit Gym Swim TUESDAY Gym Body Combat Swim WEDNESDAY Gym Metafit Zumba Swim (if I can move my arms lol) THURSDAY Body attack Gym Swim FRIDAY Gym Dancercise Zumba Body balance Swim Weigh in SATURDAY & SUNDAY Days off I've also got the healthiest Asda

Weight last week - 17st 9lbs (247 lbs) Weight today - 17st 4lbs (242 lbs) LOSS: 5lbs!! Total loss to date: 79lbs Woop woop!!!

Well today was my first proper day back at the gym and I had forgotten how much I love the high you get after exercise!  After the disaster of last Friday when I almost passed out, I ended up at the doctors on Monday morning. I'd managed to pick up a lovely wee infection which was affecting my stomach and lungs. The doctor thinks my panicking about not being able to breath was causing my BP to go through the roof. When he did it, it was slightly high but I couldn't breath properly but no where near as high as it was on Friday. However I'm on day 3 of 5 of some steroids and am feeling so much better.  It was my programme that I got in the gym this morning and the trainer guy is determined to break me. I stupidly said that I wanted to do those pull up things and I think he's dead set on making me do it within the 4 weeks lol.  I also did a metafit class and went for a swim. Metafit is an amazing class! I haven't worked that hard since I did CPT and even then I got mor

I haven't posted lately, I've just had a lot going on. Last Friday I went to Benidorm for my friend's hen weekend. The weather was glorious! Being a red head, I can't really sit out in the sun, I tend to burn to a crisp but the other girls all ended up with a lovely colour. It was an all inclusive break so we ate LOADS!!! And I know I piled on the weight. I've been feeling great since I came back from Benidorm. I've been complaining to Matt that my asthma has been bothering me. I've just been feeling short of breath but I put it down to not being very active lately. So yesterday I rejoined the gym and today was my health check to make sure that they are happy to give me a programme etc. It's a different gym that I've joined because I was looking for more support in the gym and bit more motivation. Anyway, today I rocked up for my medical with the intention of having a workout afterwards. Things didn't exactly go to plan.......like I said be

Firstly I want to apologise for my last post. Negative doesn't even cover it!! Well I'm apologising, it's how I felt and what I wanted to say at the time. This morning when I got up I realised I've been living in a funk and it was about time I have myself a good talking too. Not sure how I was thinking so clearly this morning, I haven't slept in about 48 hours but it obviously cleared my head. I'd stopped replying to text messages and would just leave my phone at home when I went out so I didn't have to talk to anyone. Before I'd have my phone surgically attached to me! So this morning I gave myself a shake. I have a job (when I eventually get a start date), I have some amazing friends and some of them are too far away for my liking but that's alright, Manchester is a great night out and isn't the other side of the world. The swimsuit issues, jeez, no one likes having to buy them! And I managed to get 2 of them. And on top of all that I'm

Yesterday I had to go and try to buy a new swimsuit for my friend's hen weekend which is under 2 weeks away now. OMG! I had been putting it off because I knew how it was going to turn out but it was more horrendous than I had even imagined. Nothing fitted, they all looked awful and by the end of the whole shopping trip I was feeling completely deflated. I didn't get anything in the shop, I've had to order them online. I've lost a load of weight since I had to wear a swimsuit last but I felt like I was right back there again. The only difference this time was that I was acutely aware of what size I am. I'm still thinking about it now. Of course the low mood leads to emotional eating, its a vicious cycle :-( In short, I feel totally crap.I feel like all the work I've done has been a waste of time. I'm ready to give in. I've got the Race for Life in a few weeks so I have to keep to going. I'm just not sure how to get my motivation back. I'm not

It's that time of year again and Race for Life season is upon us. I'm entering it again this year and am training to run it. For the first time I actually feel like I'll manage to run it. I'm not sure how I managed it in 37 mins lady year so this year the aim is to run it under an hour. https://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/jamescorbett/ Here's the link to my page. I would be grateful for any sponsorship that people can give. Also if anyone is free on Sunday 23 June and are around the Fife area, I'd love the cheering squad as I come over the finish line :-)

In 6 days I've been out for 4 runs and I'm really chuffed with myself. I'm enjoying it which is a big thing for me. The run that I did today wasn't my longest but it was my best. I did 7.7km in total but 1.5 of that was the walk down from the house which takes about 20 mins. I didn't bother tracking the walk back up to the house. In total it took me 1hr and 15 mins for the whole thing. So that means I did 6.2km in 55mins on the actual running track and today I ran most of it. When I got home I did another 30 mins workout using the Nike Fitness app on my phone. I'm absolutely knackered! When I did the Race for Life last year, according to their timings I did 5k in 37 mins. I've no idea how I managed it, I'm not even close to it at the moment. There's still time to go, the Race for life isn't until the end of June but still. It's a big ask and I'm not sure that I'm up to it. But I'm up for the challenge. My fitness posts are

I have a holiday coming up. It's a long weekend for a hen weekend. I'm so excited for my friend's hen weekend and her wedding and all the stuff that goes along with it.  The only thing I'm nervous about is the hen weekend. It's abroad which means shorts, vests and my worst nightmare SWIMWEAR!! There are videos from the last time that I wore a swimsuit which are 3 year old and I detest them! They were taken because I was taking part in some daft hotel games things. There are a couple of photos that I never planned to let see the light of day but when I started this I said that I would be honest..... so here goes...... I think this was when I was at my biggest and it's not my finest moment. I suppose I'm thinking about it because I had to try on my swimsuit this morning to see if I need a new one for the hen weekend. Now I'm not saying this because I want everyone to be like 'Oh you don't look like that now' but when I look in the mirr

Well I went for a run on Saturday morning. On Friday night I did say that I was going to go but I wasn't even sure I believed myself lol But I did, I had breakfast and went out for a run not long after. I found a really good app on my phone which tracks how far you run, how fast and where you actually go. My total distance was 6.35km but I didn't run it all, not by any means. I've got a playlist with 'power songs' set up and when I needed a boost on Saturday that's exactly what they did. I've included a picture below that I took at the 6km mark, I was so pleased that I managed it in under an hour. I think I did ok except for one point at the top of a hill when I let that wee voice in my head tell me that I should just turn back 'cause I wasn't going to be able to go all the way round. I was about to turn back but I thought 'No, to hell with this, even if I have to walk I'm going the rest of the way round'. I also get super self con

It's a strange feeling, I'm happy to be coming home but there are some people that I've met that I will miss like crazy. So I'm sitting in the car typing this and I'm a bit sad. I have been lucky enough to meet a group of people who are just fantastic! I've met nurses that I aspire to be like and have got so close with the other newly qualified nurses that it caught me by surprise. We were all in the same position and struck together through all the amazing days and the days where all we needed was a very, very large glass of wine! I also met 2 girls living in the nurses accommodation. One of them I worked with and the other one works elsewhere. I can't even describe how I feel about them :-). They were the ones that I got hugs from when I'd had a bad day or was missing home. It helped that one of the girls had an occasional Scottish accent!! The girls (on the ward and in the accommodation) are some of the most amazing and strong women I've met

I'm loving being at home!! I've only been home for a few days but I've done some catching up and have a whole week left to do. So far this week I've seen my granny, been out for dinner with Matt, had a date day with him all day today and tomorrow I'm seeing my family and we have a wedding reception at night. Next week, I've got more dates for lunch and dinner before heading back down the road on Thursday. I'm not off any illusion that it'll be like this when I come back permanently but that's ok. I'm going to re-read my book Run Fat Bitch Run and get back into my health kick. I lost 2lbs this week and am so close to coming down another stone bracket. I'm also going to sign up for the Fife Race for life this year. I'm not sure I'll be able to run it yet but I'm going to give it a bash. Am going to miss the girls from Manchester when I come home full time but we'll keep in touch and we give each other an excuse for a nig

I know it's been a whole but here we go. Week 1 - 17st 1lb Week 2 - 16st 6lbs Week 3 - 16st 1lb Week 4 - 16st 2lbs Week 5 - 16st LOSS: 2lbs!! Woop woop!!! Stress and my weight loss normally don't get along but apparently 2lbs was lost somewhere along the way. Now that home is on the agenda, I'm planning to go walking initially but eventually running down the Meades again. So if anyone wants a walking/running buddy in a couple of weeks drop me a text. One of the CPT girls mentioned going back to that but I don't think I'll be able to. I really do think I'd be left in a big puddle at the start o the training lol. The overload would be the end of me!! I'd like to come back but I'm just not sure...... I'm feeling weird today. Obviously I've made the decision to come home and I'm ok with that but I'm going to miss some of the people that I've met down south. I'm loving catching up with my life up here but I'm really hop

Things are changing again, I'm coming home. Manchester didn't work out so I'm coming home.  I know that there were "friends" at the night out when I left that said I wouldn't last in Manchester. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I'm a homebody and need to be around my support network. It's not easy leaving everyone behind and start a brand new career in a totally strange city. Do I feel like a failure? Absolutely!! Do I regret going down? Not at all. I've done the first 3 months of my staff nurse career, met some amazing people (who I hope will come and visit me in Edinburgh) and I've got a new found confidence in my job.  I love nursing and I don't want to forget that all because of homesickness. I also found this picture lately that represents to me the path of relationships. If I stay here Matt and I will never move onto the next part and that makes me sad. I've put the picture below.  I'm coming home today for about a week

I put on 1lb this week :-( But it's ok. I've had an amazing week and the banter/carry on has been brilliant! So vital statistics out the way first Week 1 - 17st 1lb Week 2 - 16st 6lbs Week 3 - 16st 1lb Week 4 - 16st 2lbs GAIN: 1 lb So this week started off with 5 days off work. Lucky for me (and maybe not for her) one of the girls on my ward and halls was also off. We should have seen the chaos coming after we consumed 2 bottles of wine on our first night off. So fast forward to the Saturday night and we're out in Manchester, just the 2 of us, and having a cracking time! Lots of drinking, dancing and generally having a good laugh. Sunday was not a pretty picture and we ate nothing but rubbish all day. Hence the reason I'm quite happy with just a pound on. This week didn't start much better, we had a wine/munchies night last night when I got in from work. My family are coming down tomorrow and we're eating out so that'll be another stuffed day. I

Well I lost 5lbs this week!!! I'm delighted so vital statistics below: Week 1 - 17st 1lb Week 2 - 16st 6lbs Week 3 - 16st 1lb TOTAL LOSS THIS WEEK: 5lbs I've lost 5st 13lbs in total now. Woop woop!! I never ever plan to get it back again. Next week I hope to break the next stone barrier and get over 6st lost. I've got my wee jars of peebles representing pounds and it's almost half and half now. I've also posted a picture of me this morning as I realised my clothes are way too big for me lol. So to treat myself I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow :-) Its so long that it should be another few pounds off lol

Well tomorrow I'll have been in Manchester for 50 days and they have flown by. I can't believe it's been so long so quickly. Some days have been a lot harder than others but all in all it's a great place and I'm finding my way about a bit more. Even though Matt and I don't do Valentine's day, I missed him :-( but not long until I see him again. It's also weigh in day tomorrow so fingers crossed I've managed to lose more weight. I'm moving into a wee house at the beginning of March with another nurse and I'm really looking forward to it. I've met some lovely girls staying in halls but I need more space than a room. I miss having a house to potter around in. I'm also hoping to go back to the gym next week. I know I said in a previous post that I didn't think my hip would be up to it, I've been feeling a lot better lately. Getting the weight off will do that though and I've always known that. So thinking back on the m

Well it was my first weigh in today after being back on it properly. I should have weighed in yesterday but was working all day. Initial weigh in: 17st 1lb Weigh in 1 - 16st 6lbs LOSS: 9lbs!!!! Woo hoo!! I know it's all water weight but I don't really care lol. 9lbs is 9lbs. So to reward myself I went to the library. I've got 3 days off so I'll get through a few of them. If a book really gets me, I can get through it in less than 24 hours. I can read a James Patterson in a few hours. Another source of inspiration is the fact that my best friend gets married in October and she's asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. I don't want be up in her wedding photos as the blob on the end so this weight is coming off!!!

So as l promised last night, here's my first week weigh in. On a plus side, it's the same weight I was when I stopped Commando Training back in Sept/Oct. Got 7st 1lb to go until goal weight. No bother. The healthy way to lose weight is 2lbs a week so that will all be gone by this time next year and that's on the assumption that I go down to this weight.

So I was going to go back to the gym this week. Not going to happen. I downloaded an app for my phone that was just a wee workout thing, no more than 30 mins. By the end of it my hip was killing me and the day after, oh ya boy, I was back on my naproxen and just willing my shift to finish. It's not a good sign at all. I'm going to get the weight off first and then try back at the gym. I'm also going to have to get my new doctor to refer me to a physio :-( I haven't been eating properly since I moved down here. I eat roughly once a day and that's not good for me at all. If a patient was telling me this, I'd tell them that they should be eating more often. I'm a terrible patient lol. I'm going onto a diet that makes me eat 3 times a day so I'll be taking my metformin again and that will hopefully help the weight to come off. Once the weight is off, I know my hip will get better. For the moment, I'm going to have to listen to my previous physio an

I had an amazing week this week. I actually felt that I was 'getting' the job and then to top it all off Matt came down to Manchester this weekend.  It was a fantastic weekend. We went into Manchester and had a look round the shops, then went for dinner and to the cinema to see our first 3D film. I wasn't that impressed with the 3D bit but maybe that was just the film. I expected things to be flying out of the screen lol. Then on the Sunday we went to the Trafford Centre, had lunch and then went to the pub to watch the football. It was like a month of dates rolled into one weekend!! I worked yesterday morning but last night, we drove home. So I'm home for a couple of days. When we got back the village that we stay in the snow is terrible! My best friend was supposed to be coming through today but the streets aren't safe enough. I'm also meant to be meeting friends in Edinburgh tonight, it should be ok to get through later on. It's just started snowing

I'm almost at the end of my first full week in my new job and apart from the odd thing here and there is going ok. The only thing with this week is that I'm ssssssoooo homesick! I'm missing my family and my friends. I'm lonely and that's the worst bit of it. I'm hoping that when I get paid and get my gym membership started again I'll feel better but I wasn't expecting the homesickness to last for so long. I'm seeing Matt this weekend and I'm not sure if that's making it worse because I'm so looking forward to it that I just can't wait for the next 2 shifts to be over. Anyway I'm sure it will pass..... My sister got me one of these digital photo frames got Christmas and she loaded it with loads of pictures from our wedding, hen nights, 30th's and all the old photos. I love it. Every picture makes me smile and miss home just a little bit less. I know it will get easier, i just wish it would hurry up :-) On a positive note,

I've been down in Manchester now for a week and I beginning to feel more settled. There are still things that remind me of home: I saw a taxi advertising Irn Bru and it made me think of home and I've been talking to people about all things Scottish and teaching them Scottish words and phrases. I miss home like crazy and I can't wait to get back for a visit. I think the bit I struggle with the most is eating alone. When I was at home, Matt and I didn't always eat together but I miss not having the option of eating with anyone. Sounds a bit sad really lol. I miss having a bit of company really. I am enjoying it down here though and all my new colleagues are lovely. I forgot how much I like staying in a big city. I've been saying to Matt that I like staying in a wee village but I've really enjoyed being back in a bigger city. I've gotten some lovely cards from home as well, including one from one of my favourite little girls. Looking at the whole situatio

I've spoken about my PCOS before, it's not a secret. One of my symptoms at 'certain times' is paranoia. When this 'time' is combined with having to travel somewhere I've never been before or having to get somewhere new on time, it leads to me getting my knickers in a right twist. This morning is a prime example of that. I had to travel into central Manchester for induction. New place, new job, you can already imagine the nerves that naturally come with this situation. I've always had a thing about being early. Anyone who has worked with me knows that I'm always really early. Anyway, last night I'd gone to bed early but had then taken 90 mins to actually fall asleep. Then I was awake at 1am, 3am and eventually 5.40am before I gave up sleeping. The lack of sleep was already an indication to me that today was going to be one of those days. So this morning I needed to be in Central Manchester by 8.45am. I had planned out my route, there were 20 m