Up, down, up, down

Just when I think I'm getting back to normal, something happens and I realise that I'm not. 

I'm struggling with everything. I'm fine in one on one company but anymore than that and I'm uncomfortable. I went on a hen night this weekend and although I couldn't stay long (I was working), I felt really awkward. I would normally have been chatting and interacting with other people, strangers or not, but it just wasn't the case. I'm trying to put myself into as many of these situations as I can but that's just making me worse.

I've been back to the doctors various times over the last few weeks and now have to go for a hospital appointment.

I'm just not coping with life in general. I'm depressed, anxious and not sleeping which is adding to everything else. I wasn't sure about talking about this on here but I promised when I started this that I would be honest and I've got nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. 

I've also come to the heart breaking decision that I need to take time out of nursing. My confidence is at an all time low and I have no belief in my own ability.  I just can't be an effective nurse at the moment. I'm not saying that I won't ever go back to nursing, in a few months time I may decide that I've made a big mistake but I need to take this time out to feel better about myself. This isn't a decision that I've taken lightly, it's been one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I feel like a HUGE failure but my health has to come first. 

I'm trying to be positive but I can't, not right now. I'm also going to take some time away from my blog. I know it's called My Journey - Warts and all but I just have too much going on. I'm not in the right head space to do it. 

As Arnie said, I'll be back, just not sure when :-) 

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