Getting there....

I'm actually starting to feel like the big dark cloud hanging over me is starting to lift. For the first time in about 2 weeks I've  managed to get myself out of bed and go out somewhere. I have nowhere in particular that I'm going, I'm just going out. The only reason I was going out before was if I had something to go out for.

I hope this means that I'm starting to move in the right direction. I've had people say to me that I should be getting on with it and that life goes on but I wasn't ready. I'm not 100% feeling like myself but I'm getting there. I'm standing at the bus stop as I type this and there is a beautiful little girl in a pushchair sitting staring at me. Today was the first time that it didn't reduce me to tears and believe me, over the last 2 weeks, the tears come wherever I am either in public or private. I think people have thought I've got the worst hayfever ever!!

I'm out for lunch & dinner tomorrow with 2 different girls. The last 2 days have been my worst and I was seriously going to cancel but these 2 girls have been there for me 100% through all this even though they have their own stuff going on. It's the same with the girl that I met week, she's got her own things going on and she took the day to make sure I was doing ok. 

I've also come off facebook for a while (not sure how people will read this....). It had exploded with things on the Royal Baby and Peter Andre's pregnant girlfriend. I know that life goes on but I just need a wee breather from it. It's weird because I love hearing how my pregnant friends are doing. I think it's because I hear it from one person rather than every 2nd post being about it. 

I'm back to work on Wednesday which I think will help me get some normality back into my daily life. It's what I need at the moment. 

Thank you to everyone who's got in touch with a message of support. I realise it's a difficult subject for some people to talk about and that makes me even more grateful for the messages. Thank you as well to the girls who have given me a lunch/dinner/coffee to get out of my bed for. I never did make it for a run but that'll come. What I've realised since posting my blog entry with the original news is that so many women that I know have been through it yet we don't talk about it.  When I discovered that I was pregnant I realised how much I used this as my own personal form of therapy because I wasn't able to post. I know talking about a miscarriage on a public place might seem odd, it's the way that I've become used to dealing with my feelings. 

I've been completely taken aback by the strength and range of emotions that I've been dealing with. I spoke last time about doing something to remember the baby by. Yesterday I uploaded a message onto the Forget Me Not Meadow at the Miscarriage Association. It hasn't actually gone up yet but I felt a bit better for doing it.

So I'm starting to look forward.....but am just taking it one day at a time :-)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Good news!!!!

I'm not sure how to start this post.  It's been so full on with placement at the moment and I've got one more essay due for Uni. I only have 9 weeks left until I'm fully qualified. I starte d to apply for jobs a few weeks ago and got called for an interview in the hospital that I currently work in but unfortunately I didn't get it. On Saturday just passed, I went down to Manchester for an interview. I wasn't sure how the interview had gone, it was so intense. I became really aware during the interview that I was speaking very quickly in my Scottish accent and I started to concentrate on slowing down my speech. I came out of it convinced that I had done ok but not well enough to actually get the job. But all the interviews are good practice. They said they would let me know by Friday so I just put it out of my mind. However, I got a call yesterday from them......................and I GOT THE JOB!!!!! It's full time and permanent. I can't believe it,...
Read more

Devastated!!

When I wrote my last blog, I knew that I had some huge news although I didn't think I would be telling our news this early or that this is how it would end. I'm writing about this because I promised this blog would be honest and the last few weeks have had a huge impact on me as an individual and Matt & I as a couple. I discovered at the end of June that I was pregnant. I was so excited and could not believe it. With my PCOS I had given up any hope of falling pregnant naturally. I was over the moon. Unfortunately at 5 weeks I started to bleed. A week later, I had a scan but they couldn't tell me whether the pregnancy was viable anymore so I've had to wait another week. Today it was confirmed that I have lost the baby. The last 2 weeks have been some of the worst I've ever had. I've only been able to fall asleep by imagining that we were told the baby was still growing. But when I wake up it's like a jolt back to reality when I realise that that's...
Read more

Willpower

I've never considered myself one of these lucky people who have a load of willpower. In fact I would say I'm exactly the opposite but I've set myself a wee challenge to test what little willpower I have. In my handbag are 3 chocolate sweets that I got off my granny ages ago. They've just sat in the bottom of my bag and I had totally forgotten about them. During a wee craving for sugar this week, I found them and really felt like I needed them. BUT I didn't have them. So they've become sort of like a reminder that I don't need any crappy food. I watched One Born Every Minute this week and there was a woman on it who suffered from the same thing I do, PCOS. She made a good point as well. PCOS is affected by weight and to have a baby she was told that she had to lose it. She would starting weighing up junk food with a baby. Now I know that Matt and I aren't at the baby making phase yet but ultimately if I want to have a family I need to get rid of my ex...
Read more