Swimsuits!!!

Yesterday I had to go and try to buy a new swimsuit for my friend's hen weekend which is under 2 weeks away now. OMG! I had been putting it off because I knew how it was going to turn out but it was more horrendous than I had even imagined.

 Nothing fitted, they all looked awful and by the end of the whole shopping trip I was feeling completely deflated. I didn't get anything in the shop, I've had to order them online. I've lost a load of weight since I had to wear a swimsuit last but I felt like I was right back there again. The only difference this time was that I was acutely aware of what size I am. I'm still thinking about it now. Of course the low mood leads to emotional eating, its a vicious cycle :-(

 In short, I feel totally crap.I feel like all the work I've done has been a waste of time. I'm ready to give in. I've got the Race for Life in a few weeks so I have to keep to going. I'm just not sure how to get my motivation back. I'm not allowed back to CPT because of my hip (and I honestly don't think I could manage it either). Until I start working again, I can't afford to go to the gym. I've been going out running but there are a couple of 'physical' issues why I'm struggling. 

 I'm so mad at myself, I've let a swimsuit undermine the confidence that I've spent the last year or so working on. I had a brilliant night with the girls on Saturday in aid of MacMillan Cancer, we chatted and laughed and it was all in all a great night.  

 So I think here's the plan. I'm going to start taking my Orlistat tablets again. They're terrible pills with horrible side effects so I'm hoping that they kick start my healthy eating. Eating healthy is the only way to stop the side effects. I have an appointment with my consultant regarding my PCOS and hopefully they help me to pick myself back up again. I was going to weigh myself but I can't face getting on a set of scales. My willpower is in my boots right alongside my motivation, my mood and my desire. 

 So let's end this miserable blog with a positive note. I've got a job and I have an interview for another one tomorrow. So it'll be game face tomorrow and hopefully by the end of the week I'll have a decision to make about which job I'm going to take. So moving forward, onwards and upwards :-)

Comments

  1. Kirsty22 April 2013 at 12:19

    Keep your chin up gorgeous girl! You are an incredibly strong person and I know you will get over this hurdle. Reflect back on how much you have achieved in this last year, health and work wise. You are a determined person, who when you put your mind to it can accomplish anything you want in life. You have so many friends who love you and will be there to support you when you need it most. We all miss you here! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. ClaireLou22 April 2013 at 12:31

    Thanks lovely :-). I'll just spend all my time in Benidorm naked wasted and won't care what I look like :-)

    ReplyDelete

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