Tough time but the fog is lifting

I said in my last post that time was great healer but if I'm honest, the last few weeks haven't been easier. 

There have been times when I've felt ok but I'm still having really low, dark days. I've tried to do things to help me start moving on from losing the baby and I do feel like the dark days are getting less frequent. At the moment, I'm feel like I'm battling feelings of failure that I wasn't able to carry either of the babies. I've started seeing a counsellor but I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. Although he did make a good point. I'm lost. I had come to terms with the fact that babies were probably not going to be in our plan and worked on carving out a career for myself. Then when I fell pregnant all my plans were thrown into the air. When I lost the baby, I had to revert to my original plans of a career but I'd had a taste of something that I've always wanted. So I now wanted what I didn't have. I have to find out who I am and what I want. When I do that, I'll be ok. 

On a plus point, I went out for a run. It wasn't my fastest or my longest but I went out. I'm going to go out again on Thursday before I have to work on Friday, Saturday & Sunday. I also managed to read a chapter of my book. It's not the book I wanted to start but I think the 2nd book in the Game of Thrones would be too much just now and it's a book that I want to enjoy. The book I started was a £3 one out of asda. 

So looking ahead, I'm going to organise myself a trip down to Manchester to completely let my hair down and catch up with the folks down there. I was chatting to one of the girls last week and she's just amazing! I miss working beside them :-) I think we'll have to organise a return trip to Scotland and unleash some of the mayhem on Edinburgh as well! 

So trip to Manchester, read more of my book and start enjoying company again, that's the plan for the next couple of months :-)


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