My man :-)

I was asked today how I'm feeling about everything and I honestly couldn't answer the question with anything more than I don't know. 

I would say that over the last 3 weeks I've been insufferable. The first 2 weeks we didn't know what was happening and we've had a week to deal with the reality of what's happened. My mood hasn't been good for most of it and when my mood does improve, it doesn't last for that long. I'm getting myself out of the house and getting out of bed is easier now. 

One thing I do know though is that it's times like this that test your relationship to it's limits. I've said it before but I wanted to dedicate a full post to him. Matt has been amazing! He's been my tower of strength and a solid source of support during everything. Even now, his priority is making sure that I'm ok. I did something yesterday to mark what has happened both in 2004 & now and he was right there at my side. Even when my brain wasn't able to focus on one thing and I would jump from one idea to another, he was there and I'm sure if one of the crazy ideas had won he would have been there for me (depending on the level of crazy, he might have spoken me out of it!).

Matt is an fantastic man and it's times like this that I realise how lucky I am to have a man like him by my side. When things got really bad, he stepped up and showed me that together we can face anything. Love truly can conquer all and I know how much he loves me. I am worried that he doesn't talk about it and seems to be dealing with it all remarkably well but we talk openly in the house about the baby and when he's ready, he'll deal with how he feels. I think his time will come after he's sure that I'm on a more even keel with it all. 

So I go back to work tomorrow....am I ready? I'm not sure but I don't know how I'm feeling so I have to give it a shot. Claire (the woman who lost her 2nd baby) isn't sure but Claire (the nurse) is a different person and is able to channel her emotions without being overwhelmed by them so fingers crossed Nurse Claire is ready.

I've put a picture below that I found the other day which I think sums up how men must feel in the whole miscarriage situation. I know Matt has friends who do ask how he is (not me or we) so I'm not too worried he's as bottled up as this poem suggests. 

I hope that Matt does know how much I love him and how much his support has meant and does means to me. He's my husband, my rock and my best friend. I respect him immensely as all these things. If he didn't know these things (I know he does), he does now and I have no doubt that he'll be a bit embarrassed about this gushy post :-)



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