PCOS, Paranoia and Travelling to new places
I've spoken about my PCOS before, it's not a secret. One of my symptoms at 'certain times' is paranoia. When this 'time' is combined with having to travel somewhere I've never been before or having to get somewhere new on time, it leads to me getting my knickers in a right twist.
This morning is a prime example of that. I had to travel into central Manchester for induction. New place, new job, you can already imagine the nerves that naturally come with this situation. I've always had a thing about being early. Anyone who has worked with me knows that I'm always really early. Anyway, last night I'd gone to bed early but had then taken 90 mins to actually fall asleep. Then I was awake at 1am, 3am and eventually 5.40am before I gave up sleeping. The lack of sleep was already an indication to me that today was going to be one of those days.
So this morning I needed to be in Central Manchester by 8.45am. I had planned out my route, there were 20 mins to walk at each end to the train station, there was a train at 7.45am that would get me into Manchester at 8am leaving me plenty time to get down there. So at 6.50am I'm in the train station waiting for the 7.17am!!!! I arrived in Manchester before 8am. My rational was the following:
1. What if the 7.45am train was cancelled?
2. What if all the trains were cancelled and I had to get a bus? (I think I was expecting nuclear war)
3. What if the walk on the other side was longer than the 20 mins? (I got 20 mins from google maps, I didn't just make it up)
4. What if the train fares had increases? (WHAT!!! Overnight?!?)
5. What if I got lost in Manchester? (I have GPS on phone which I regularly have to use when I do take a wrong turn)
6. What if I can't find where I need to be in the hospital? (I have a tongue in my head and I can ask!!)
So I get into manchester and I get a bit lost which winds me up again so I had to call Matt to calm down lol.
The lack of rationale is one of the worst symptoms of my PCOS that I experience. It upsets me more when I calm down and realise how irrational I've been. As I'm doing it, I can't talk myself out of it. It's like I'm hearing someone else saying and doing these stupid things.
Like I said I'm normally an early arriver anyway but this morning I took it to a whole new level. Normally the paranoia I experience is about locking the door, I have to check my front umpteen times when I leave the house. But it's only at this particular time and it lasts maybe 4 days or so. I make excuses for my earliness. When people say you're early, I normally just say oh it's an affliction but truth is I like being early. My dad was the same, his dream was to get the number 1 boarding pass when he went on holiday.
So I'm writing this blog from the education centre almost an hour early but I'm happier and calmer than I was at 6.30am this morning. I was actually the 3rd person to arrive!! So not the keenest bean in the tin :-)
This morning is a prime example of that. I had to travel into central Manchester for induction. New place, new job, you can already imagine the nerves that naturally come with this situation. I've always had a thing about being early. Anyone who has worked with me knows that I'm always really early. Anyway, last night I'd gone to bed early but had then taken 90 mins to actually fall asleep. Then I was awake at 1am, 3am and eventually 5.40am before I gave up sleeping. The lack of sleep was already an indication to me that today was going to be one of those days.
So this morning I needed to be in Central Manchester by 8.45am. I had planned out my route, there were 20 mins to walk at each end to the train station, there was a train at 7.45am that would get me into Manchester at 8am leaving me plenty time to get down there. So at 6.50am I'm in the train station waiting for the 7.17am!!!! I arrived in Manchester before 8am. My rational was the following:
1. What if the 7.45am train was cancelled?
2. What if all the trains were cancelled and I had to get a bus? (I think I was expecting nuclear war)
3. What if the walk on the other side was longer than the 20 mins? (I got 20 mins from google maps, I didn't just make it up)
4. What if the train fares had increases? (WHAT!!! Overnight?!?)
5. What if I got lost in Manchester? (I have GPS on phone which I regularly have to use when I do take a wrong turn)
6. What if I can't find where I need to be in the hospital? (I have a tongue in my head and I can ask!!)
So I get into manchester and I get a bit lost which winds me up again so I had to call Matt to calm down lol.
The lack of rationale is one of the worst symptoms of my PCOS that I experience. It upsets me more when I calm down and realise how irrational I've been. As I'm doing it, I can't talk myself out of it. It's like I'm hearing someone else saying and doing these stupid things.
Like I said I'm normally an early arriver anyway but this morning I took it to a whole new level. Normally the paranoia I experience is about locking the door, I have to check my front umpteen times when I leave the house. But it's only at this particular time and it lasts maybe 4 days or so. I make excuses for my earliness. When people say you're early, I normally just say oh it's an affliction but truth is I like being early. My dad was the same, his dream was to get the number 1 boarding pass when he went on holiday.
So I'm writing this blog from the education centre almost an hour early but I'm happier and calmer than I was at 6.30am this morning. I was actually the 3rd person to arrive!! So not the keenest bean in the tin :-)
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