My Journey - Warts and All

I'm having a bit of a down day today. I went to Body Pump for the first time and felt like the weakest person in the room. I went to Body Combat about 30 mins later and I did both classes ok but I just felt yuck. I went back to feeling like the fattest person in the class and I hate feeling that way. I did realise something though. It's not other people. It's ME!! I've had a couple of really bad experiences with bitchy women in the gym and I now think that everyone is looking at me and thinking the same thing. If I'm honest, I didn't realise how much the nasty women had gotten to me but they really have. The thing is the ladies in the classes I went to tonight were all nice. Both instructors were brilliant as well. I need to go into these classes concentrating on nothing other than me and that's the way its going to be from now on. It's my perception of what other people think that needs to change and ultimately who cares what other people say.  ...

60 mins - Body Pump 60 mins - Body Combat I don't think I'll be able to walk tomorrow :-)

20 mins - Treadmill 30 mins - Nice cross trainer, intensity 10 20 mins - Mean cross trainer, intensity 10 Some matt work - crunches, kettle bell, dumb bells and squats Circuit of the weights 15 mins - Crossover, intensity 10 15 mins - Arm thing, intensity 6 (I have weak arms) 5 mins - Cool down stretches 60 mins - Zumba

It wasn't as bad as I was expecting! It woke me up (with a huge shock) but I'm now wide awake . And although I'm posting on here (I'm getting ready to stop for lunch), my essay is progressing really well now . It was quiet so I could just get on with my own thing and I could actually get to the floor space to do some of the work that the instructor taught me last week. Think it helps as well that I have a brilliant playlist at the moment for the gym as well. It's only 12 songs long and only lasts about 47 mins but its one that seems to keep me doing. I've put it below and if nothing else it will give you a chance to laugh at my terrible taste in music :-) Playing with Fire - Mr Hudson and N-Dubz Sexy and I know it - LMFAO Firework - Katy Perry Kiss the Stars - Pixie Lott Domino - Jessie J Let it Die - Ozzy Osbourne Nessaja - Scooter (and you were thinking that N-Dubz was bad!) Stronger - Kelly Clarkson Bounce - Klassify Down with the Trumpets  Marr...

So I put on weight again this week! I need a serious kick up the backside. This week I'm going to start a food diary which I'm going to use to write down everything I eat and drink. And I'm now officially off the booze until my own 30th birthday. The 2 weeks that I've put weight on have been a week when I've had alcohol. Its just not worth it. It shows as well how easy it is to put on the weight and how much work I have to put in to lose it. So the plan for this week is: Monday 6am - Gym for 2 hours 7.45pm - Zumba for an hour Tuesday 7.15pm - Body Combat for an hour Wednesday 8am - Gym for 2 hours 10am - Zumba for an hour Thursday 6am - Gym for 2 hours 7.45pm - Body Combat for 45 mins 8.45pm - Funky Dance for 45 mins Friday 1pm - Gym for 2 hours Saturday 8.30am - Gym for 2 hours It does seem a lot of exercise but I've managed it before. I occasionally miss out my gym sessions but as long as I stick to my classes this week.  Getting to...

Monday - Zumba Tuesday - Body Combat Wednesday - Zumba Thursday - Body Combat and Funky Dance

15 mins - Just Dance 15 mins - Dance on Broadway 40 mins - Wii Sports My legs were too sore to try the gym again :-)

30 mins - Treadmill 15 mins - Crossover intensity 10 20 mins - Nice crosstrainer intensity 10 15 mins - Mean crosstrainer intensity 10 Turns out that between 4pm and 6pm is the time that the junior circuit gym runs. Not a great time!!

45 mins - Body Combat 30 mins - Personal Training Session with the instructor. We did a 4 station circuit. Kettlebell swing with a 12lb kettlebell Sit ups with a 6lb exercise ball (full proper sit ups!) Squatting with 2 x 5lb dumb bells and then standing and lifting them other my head Stepping - 20 secs on right foot, 20 secs on left foot and then jumping on OMG everything hurts!!!

When I started out on this weight loss track, it was all aimed at my 30th birthday which is August of this year. However, since I started all this, I've cancelled my party and as it stands I'm not doing anything for it. But last night, I was out in Edinburgh for a friends birthday, he doesn't read this blog but just in case he decides to, his next important birthday is 40!! Anyhoo, last night my mate was telling me that I should do something for my birthday so now I'm thinking about it but I have no idea what. I'm organising some surprises for my best mate for her birthday in a few weeks so I'm in the party planning mode. I have a problem, I'm originally from one county but now stay in another and have friends in them both. Its not fair to ask people to travel that sort of distance just for a night out and I only have one spare room in my house. There is no where inbetween that would be a happy medium. I also don't know what type of night out to ha...

Good night last night on the weight loss! I was so happy, I couldn't quite believe it. I look at the weight that I've lost and I can't really believe its me. I go to all these classes and the gym, I can't believe that I can actually work that hard. When I was on the bad crosstrainer the other day, I think I had an out of body experience because it didn't seem like me. 7 weeks ago I struggled to go for 20 mins on that machine, now I'm talking about increasing my intensity. The scales that I weigh myself on are huge scales. They measure everything, BMI, body fat index and weight. Yet I find myself doubting them. I've got it into my head that if I stand on other scales, they'll show a different result. I have also read that I'll think and see myself as the fat girl for anything up to a year after the weight has come off.  I'm not sure why I doubt it, my clothes are looser, tops that were a little tight are now comfy and I feel better.  ...

Now I'm not saying that the gym is getting easy but it is getting easier. The problem is I'm not really sure what to do about it. I did quite a lot at the gym tonight and I was red and sweating (as per usual) but I'm not having to put in the same effort.  So the plan is to increase the intensity of everything (I think). I'm planning to take everything up to a 10 intensity. I'm going to try and keep it at the same length of exercise. I'm going to attempt to run for a little bit longer and rest for less time on the treadmill. I think I'm so confused because I've never got to this point of a weight loss before. I've never stuck at the gym long enough for it to get easier so there's never been an need to change the programme that I'm working at. I'm really pleased with myself that I've stuck at it and I feel a lot better. I like recycling outfits now so I can see if they fit me any better :-)

30 mins - Treadmill (2 mins walking, 2 mins jogging) 30 mins - Crosstrainer, intensity 10 15 mins - Arm thing, intensity 8 15 mins - Crossover, intensity 8 Circuit of weights 10 mins - Cool down on Treadmill

Well I've got my classes all booked for next week! Monday - Zumba Tuesday - Nothing, I'm out in Edinburgh for a friend's birthday Wednesday - Zumba in the am and then Step at night Thursday - Body Combat and then Funky Dance Friday - Nothing Saturday - Just the gym Sunday - Seeing another friend in Edinburgh Good week ahead!!!

45 mins - Body Combat 45 mins - Funky Dance And tomorrow will be a day off rest before I go to the gym on Saturday :-)

It's been a brilliant start to the week. I learnt that Tai Chi is not for me at all (its just too slow I prefer to get my stress out at Body Combat). And yesterday when I was just about to skip my class 'cause of a long day at uni, I got an email from my friend Emer. We worked together a few years ago and after we both left, she moved home. She is an amazing person and one of my favourite people in the whole world. Her email gave me a huge spur on and I went to my class which kicked my butt but it was good!!  I've done a class this morning and I'm booked for 2 classes tomorrow, Body Combat and then Funky Dance. The instructor is fab! She really makes you work hard. My final class of this week is Body combat on Friday and then I'll do a 2 hour session at the gym myself.  Weigh on Sunday and i'm really excited about, I really really hope that I've lost weight. I'm feeling better in myself and maybe, its about time to start jogging in public but we...

60 mins - Zumba (it was a hard class!!!)

60 mins - Gym  60 mins - Body Combat

60 mins - Tai Chi class 90 mins - Gym workout (I can't remember what I did) 60 mins - Zumba class Go me!!!!

It's the weigh in day tomorrow :-( I'm not looking forward to having put on weight but I just have to keep reminding myself that I had an off week. To 'punish' myself for being so bad this week, I've booked my classes for next week with the first one on Monday at 0630!! That'll teach me :-) So my activity next week will be Monday 0630 - Tai Chi 1945 - Zumba Tuesday 1915 - Body Combat Wednesday 1000 - Zumba Thursday 1945 - Body Combat Friday 1815 - Body Combat I'm also going to try and squeeze in a gym session or two but the problem is that I'm so full on with uni work at the minute that I'm using these classes as a 'break' from studying. The only time I can see for the gym is Wednesday am but we'll see......

It's not been a great week this week. I've done no exercise and my eating has been all off. It's not that I've been eating rubbish, well I have, but I haven't been eating enough. I seem to have lost my appetite this week and when I do eat, it's because I know I should not because I want to. That results in me just grabbing a bag of crisps for ease All the other times that I've dieted, I would give up at this point. In my head, I would be telling myself that there's no point of carrying on 'cause I've messed up this week. Not this time though. When I weigh in on Sunday, I'll take the weight gain on the chin and get back on the wagon next week. I'm not going to spend the next 2 days eating crap but I really don't have time to exercise this weekend so I can't right the wrongs of this week. I was watching a programme last night called Junk Food Mums or something like that and there was a lady on it who was 37 stone (I think...

Sorry this is a bit of a rant! I've had some terrible experiences in the gym before with other women making comments about my size. One woman actually said that they should have 'fat' days at the gym so that 'normal' people weren't bothered by all our sweating. It was the same theme from a woman before class tonight. Who do these people actually think they are! I'm self conscious at the gym as the biggest person in there. I pretend that I'm not but I totally am. I remember all the times that people have said that I shouldn't be there 'cause I'm fat or I'll not manage to finish the class because I'm fat. I'm not going to let me them stop me going to gym but I can feel that its bashed my confidence. It upset me tonight. I'm aware that it's no one else's fault that I am the way I am but that doesn't give these people the right to speak to me the way they have done. Rant over :-)

45 mins Body Combat class