My Journey - Warts and All

I was asked today how I'm feeling about everything and I honestly couldn't answer the question with anything more than I don't know.  I would say that over the last 3 weeks I've been insufferable. The first 2 weeks we didn't know what was happening and we've had a week to deal with the reality of what's happened. My mood hasn't been good for most of it and when my mood does improve, it doesn't last for that long. I'm getting myself out of the house and getting out of bed is easier now.  One thing I do know though is that it's times like this that test your relationship to it's limits. I've said it before but I wanted to dedicate a full post to him. Matt has been amazing! He's been my tower of strength and a solid source of support during everything. Even now, his priority is making sure that I'm ok. I did something yesterday to mark what has happened both in 2004 & now and he was right there at my side. Even when m...

I'm actually starting to feel like the big dark cloud hanging over me is starting to lift. For the first time in about 2 weeks I've  managed to get myself out of bed and go out somewhere. I have nowhere in particular that I'm going, I'm just going out. The only reason I was going out before was if I had something to go out for. I hope this means that I'm starting to move in the right direction. I've had people say to me that I should be getting on with it and that life goes on but I wasn't ready. I'm not 100% feeling like myself but I'm getting there. I'm standing at the bus stop as I type this and there is a beautiful little girl in a pushchair sitting staring at me. Today was the first time that it didn't reduce me to tears and believe me, over the last 2 weeks, the tears come wherever I am either in public or private. I think people have thought I've got the worst hayfever ever!! I'm out for lunch & dinner tomorrow with 2 diffe...

It's been a horrible few days. We had to face the reality that we had lost the baby and I had to admit it both to myself and everyone else. I've been completely blown away but the level of support that we've received. I knew I had some amazing friends but wow is all I can say. Now we have to spend time as a couple dealing with what's happened. Today we went for nice lunch together and Matt is playing with his new toy. Anyone who knows Matt knows that he loves his music. He has hundreds of CD's and for years they've been stored away in boxes in the spare room. To say thank you to him for all his love, support and care over the last few weeks, I bought him a unit for all his CD's. As I type this, he's sitting going through them putting them into alphabetical order. Bless him...... I'm still not sure what's going on in my head. Loads of emotions are running through my head and I'm not feeling the same thing from one hour to the next. I forced ...

When I wrote my last blog, I knew that I had some huge news although I didn't think I would be telling our news this early or that this is how it would end. I'm writing about this because I promised this blog would be honest and the last few weeks have had a huge impact on me as an individual and Matt & I as a couple. I discovered at the end of June that I was pregnant. I was so excited and could not believe it. With my PCOS I had given up any hope of falling pregnant naturally. I was over the moon. Unfortunately at 5 weeks I started to bleed. A week later, I had a scan but they couldn't tell me whether the pregnancy was viable anymore so I've had to wait another week. Today it was confirmed that I have lost the baby. The last 2 weeks have been some of the worst I've ever had. I've only been able to fall asleep by imagining that we were told the baby was still growing. But when I wake up it's like a jolt back to reality when I realise that that's...

It's been such a busy few weeks for us as a couple.  I started my new job and have been there for 4 weeks now. I'm glad to be home working :-) That said I'm missing my girls from Manchester. I'm going down in August to see them though and I'm crossing my fingers that they can get time off so that I can spend sometime with them even if its just a coffee or dinner after work. They are an amazing group of girls and I'm so excited to catch up with them. Lots to catch up on...... I posted last week about graduating. I had a brilliant day surrounded by my family and then later on by my friends. I can't believe that's uni all over and done with.  My weight loss has gone by the way side at the moment. I've just been too busy to really give it much thought and the same goes for the gym. I'm not being bad, I just haven't tracked as well as I should be.  I was listening to the radio the other day and the presenter was saying that his new wife ha...