My Journey - Warts and All

I was at Commando training on Saturday and then went back again tonight. Saturday's session left my muscles aching on Sunday so I thought tonight would be hard. But tonight was much tougher than I thought. It was because of my own attitude though that it was so hard. I totally convinced myself that I couldn't run up the biggest hill we did and as a consequence I didn't manage to run up it. Idiot!!! I failed myself before I had even started. What is wrong with me!!! I've come so far since I started this training. I really feel like I let myself down. :-(  Back at Commando tomorrow and it'll be onwards and upwards. Next time we tackle that hill, I'll just be focussing on the bench at the top

I got my bike today! It's on a free loan scheme run by the local council and NHS board. It's for 6 weeks and I plan to make the most of it. After getting a test in the park where I picked it up, I was let loose on my own. I went off for a wee cycle down the trail that I normally run on. It has a little bit of road and a lot of cycle track. I was really really nervous out in the traffic. According to the Highway Code, bicycles must be used the road, not pavements. So I did that whilst the speed limit was 30 mph but as soon as I saw the national speed limit sign, I was straight on the pavement. I know it was the cowards way out but cars are bigger than me lol Anyway, had a brilliant time charging down the hills, completely ignoring the fat that I would have to come back up them lol.  I managed to do 5.37miles in 50mins and would say the last 2 miles uphill were definitely my slowest. The plan was to cycle to Commando training but I'm a bit nervous in traffic and the r...

It's been some week this week. I was off sick from Uni on Monday and just haven't been able to go to Commando training. I've also eaten crap all week!!! Bad times On the plus side, I'm feeling much better and went out for lunch with my friend and her baby today and had a lovely girlie catch up. Her baby is totally gorgeous and such a happy wee thing so it was really great getting a wee cuddle or two from him. We went for a wander round the shops after lunch and happened to take a wander into New Look. I saw this dress that I really liked but it's fitted and those type of dresses never really fit. It was also in the 'normal' sized section of the shop so I fully expected it not to fit. But I went to try it  on to see how far I have to go before I fit into them. And guess what......... it fitted me!!! No pulling over the bust, no holding in the gut, it just fitted!!! I also booked in to get my first spray tan for my birthday which I'm nervous about. I...

I'm loving going to Commando training! I try and go 3/4/5 times a week and I went out on my first run the other day. I need to get my diet sorted. I'm skipping meals, eating things that are convenient and eating crap. I know that with my PCOS I know that I'm supposed to eat 6 small meals a day but when I'm working my job doesn't allow it. I know that my eating habits are terrible so I've started to do some work using cognitive behavioural therapy.  I was trying to work out what emotion is behind my behaviour. Then I realised........ I'm frightened. I'm worried about what will happen if I lose all the weight. I know that by eating what I am and exercising the way that I do, I'll maintain my weight as I am. It's simple maths: calories in minus calories burned equals a deficit.  I'm frightened about how my relationships will change. I'm scared that I don't know how to be anything other than a big girl. I've never been this size...

Starting Weight - 18st 2.5 lbs Week 1 - Loss 0.5lbs. Weight - 18st 2lbs Week 2 - Loss 0.5lbs. Weight - 18st 1.5lbs Week 3 - Loss 2.5lbs. Weight - 17st 13lbs Week 4 - Loss 3lbs. Weight - 17st 10lbs Week 5 - Gain 3lbs. Weight - 17st 13lbs Week 6 - Loss 2.5lbs. Weight - 17st 10.5lbs Week 7 - Loss 0.5lbs. Weight - 17st 10lbs Week 7 - Loss 4lbs. Weight - 17st 6lbs Week 8 - Loss 3lbs. Weight - 17st 3lbs Week 9 - Loss 0.5lbs. Weight - 17st 2.5lbs Only half a pound off this week but I've been eating crap so I deserve it

Today I went out for my very first solo run. It was a bit lonely without any of the Commando's with me but I'm so chuffed with myself for doing it.  I did 6.819km in 65 mins. About 5.2km of that I actually ran and the rest was the walk to and from my house. I can't go to commando training on Saturday because I'm working nightshift this weekend so I thought a wee run would do the trick. I can't pretend I wasn't nervous. I was convinced it would be like Mr Blobby running along the road. But I did it and there were other people on the track cycling and running. I'm not really going to get a chance to go out for a run again before the 5k that I'm doing next Friday but I've done my first solo run so its something to tick off the list. When I started this weight loss thing last October I was wearing size 24 vests. I still see that, when I look in the mirror that's what I see. Last night though, I had to go and buy some more vests. I bought exactl...

I don't normally post in such quick succession but I am having a brilliant week this week. Been to Commando training twice this week (will be there tonight and tomorrow as well) and I'm just feeling good about everything. I've been out shopping on Friday (I spoke about that in my last blog) and I went out shopping again yesterday. I'm loving trying on all these new styles and when something doesn't fit, I don't mind. It gives me something to aim for. Before I wouldn't try things on, I couldn't stand the disappointment of another thing not fitting. I didn't have a choice of clothes really, I'd just buy whatever fitted me and when I found something that fit, I'd buy it in all the available colours. Well yesterday, I wore out one of the new things that I bought on Friday, black jeggings with a grey top that was longer at the back than the front. I was so paranoid when I left the house!! I kept thinking that I had to go back to the house to...

The week is off to a great start!  Went to Commando training tonight and I managed not come last! It's been my goal since the start and I managed it tonight. Go me! I honestly can't say how much this Commando Park Training has helped me. Last year, when I weighed in at 22stone, I never, ever, ever would have thought that I would have been able to manage this sort of training. But here I am, 7 weeks on, I've run my first 5k, found out that I do have core muscles (and they hurt so much just now!), not come last in an overload session and met some brilliant and encouraging people.  The guys who run it are brilliant and I honestly cannot recommend them enough. If you stay around the Dunfermline area and want to do some hard but excellent training, come along. I'm seeing huge benefits in the last few weeks.  http://www.commandoparktraining.co.uk/  Have a wee look...... Had another high point this week as well. I went to Primark with a friend on...

It's only 4 weeks on Tuesday until I turn 30!!  I need to step up my game. The last 3 weeks my head hasn't been in it. I've eaten crap and haven't been going to Commando training as much as usual. I had only managed to go twice this week, Monday and today. I haven't even bothered to weigh in for the last few weeks. It was really wet today but I really really enjoyed it. It's lighted a fire under my butt and I definitely needed it. I've got a 5k run coming up a week on Friday so I need to get my fitness levels back up again.So I'm planning my schedule for the next 2 weeks until after my next 5k Monday 9 - Commando Tuesday 10 - Commando Wednesday 11 - Commando  Thursday 12 - Commando Friday 13 - Run in the morning and then Working Saturday 14 - Commando (maybe, am working at night) Sunday 15 - Working Monday 16 - Commando Tuesday 17 - Commando Wednesday 18 - Working Thursday 19 - Working Friday 20 - 5k Saturday 21 - Commando Sunday 22 -...

I'm not getting to Commando as much as I would like to this week. :-( But on the plus side, I'm going for an actual run, out in the street, where people can see me! lol My friend is coming along with me on a really good path I found down the Meades. I went to Commando training on Monday and I was so disappointed with myself. I've got a bit a cold lingering on from last week that I just haven't been able to shake. It's flaring up my asthma as it does every time I get the hint of a cold. I couldn't run up one of the hills and I was mad as hell at myself! Granted I couldn't breath at the time but in my mind, that wasn't good enough. I'll be back at Commando on Saturday and I'm determined that I'll be feeling better and do a lot better in the class.  I didn't post about it last night 'cause I was so annoyed at myself. I'm feeling rubbish about the whole thing at the moment. I need to get my head back in the game. I'm hoping ...