My Journey - Warts and All

So on Sunday it's our 12th wedding anniversary (aaawwww!).  A few wee fun facts for you about 12th Wedding Anniversaries & 24 November. I like doing shit like this. I'm crap in a pub quiz but genenerally have this type of obscure knowledge tucked away 12th Wedding Anniversaries Each wedding anniversary has their suggested gifts and for 12 years, they are below. The gifts originated from the Roman Empire who used to crown their wives with wreaths on their 25th (silver) and 50th (gold) wedding anniversaries.  Traditional (US) - Silk Traditional (UK) - Silk & Fine linen Modern - Pearls, coloured gems Flower - Peony Gemstone - Jade 24th November Couple of events that happened on the day Birthdays 1868 - Scott Joplin 1946 - Ted Bundy (I secretly knew this when we booked the wedding but didn't tell anyone #serialkillernerd) 1955 - Ian Botham 1963 - Neale Cooper 1969 - Rob 'Blasko' Nicholson Deaths 1963 - Lee Harvey ...

I wanted to do a brief summary of what the last few years have been for me & us So after my 3rd miscarriage my world just fell apart. I had no idea who I was anymore. I wasn’t a mother with a live baby in her arms and I wasn’t someone who wasn’t having babies and concentrating on her career. I LONGED for a baby, it consumed my every thought but so did the fear of having a 4th miscarriage. I looked into every option available, adoption, surrogacy, you name it and I’ve looked into it. I was looking at friends and figuring out if they’d carry a baby for us. Actual surrogacy is incredibly expensive, like thousands and thousands of pounds. Also the law surrounding it in Scotland is crap! There is a 6 week period after the baby is born that the birth mother can change their mind and take the baby back. You then have to get into the whole court situation. Adoption is a long drawn out process, it takes 12+ months and they get into every aspect of your life. I totally understand tha...

It's been a really really long time since I posted on here, 1669 days to be exact (yes, I used excel to work that out) I'm not altogether sure why I stopped. I think it was just not as therapeutic for me as it had been when I started. Recent events have made me rethink that though so that's why I'm back. So what's happened in the last 4 years, 6 months & 25 day?? LOADS!!! A few of the bigger things. - I left nursing altogether. After the 3rd miscarriage, I just lost myself. It was a horrible, horrible time and I just couldn't give my patients the emotional support that they needed - The extra tests after the 3rd miscarriage revealed nothing. They have no idea what caused them - I moved back into admin and found my passionate for Excel again! I've always loved Excel but have now taught myself how to make it do everything except make a cup of tea - Matt & I moved back into Edinburgh and have a lovely wee detached house in Gilmerton. It'...

Today was the day of my Swimathon. I decided to do the swimathon a while ago to give myself a different physical challenge. My friend has her own swimming school and she's super fit so I thought swimming was something to try. There were 3 options for the distance: 1.5k, 2.5k and 5k. Deciding on the 2.5k, my friend, Kalie, offered to help me with my stroke to make sure that my back was as safe as possible as well as improving what I was doing. Both important as the distance that I had opted for is 100 lengths of the Bannatynes pool So anyway, I started my swim at 0910. The pool wasn't bad in terms of bodies in the water. I had a wee board all made up so that I only had to count to 10 at any one time. I've put a picture below. The first 30 lengths were the hardest for me, I was trying to settle into my own stride. Just after I had done 40, I was totally overwhelmed by what I still had to do and then, as if my wee MP3 player knew that I needed a boost, 'Danger Zone' ...

I have posted on here in a while but as the title suggests, it's been some start to the year. I started my new job and it's amazing! The job is fantastic, the girls that I work with are great, it's a win/win situation.  My weight loss stalled a little bit but I decided to go back to a slimming club and in my first week lost 3.5lbs. That takes my overall weight loss to 101lbs!!!!! I'm so chuffed to get into triple figures. I've lost almost as much as I still have to lose! I've also taken on a load of charity things for the remainder of the year. Swimathon 2.5k (100 lengths of a 25m pool) - Saturday 18 April for Marie Curie A Walk to Remember 13 miles - Saturday 13 June for St Columbas Hospice Race for Life 5k - Sunday 14 June for Cancer Research Fun Run 5k - Sunday 11 October for Tommy's Initially they were reasons to keep the fitness kick going, they've now turned into something else. They've become ways to distract myself. I've had ...

I posted on Facebook about a week or so ago which was the preferred class, Pilates or Yoga. The response was very much 50/50.  So I decided to try them both and see what I thought.  Yoga It was the first of the classes that I tried early on a Sunday morning. I was in a really open mind about it. The other people were nice and very welcoming to the class. The instructor took time to find out about me, any niggles, illness etc and explained about only doing what I was able to do. She said she would correct me on my form and keep me right and mostly not to worry. All positives. The class itself though, hmmmm not sure. I think it's one of these classes that you will eventually see results in unlike the classes I normally do where I sweat a lot or feel the muscles the day after. The relaxation bit at the end was completely wasted on me. I'm physically incapable of relaxing. Pilates The things I had heard from friends about Pilates was more what I was looking for in ...

So tonight was weigh in night...... Starting weight: 18st 8lbs Loss: 4.5lbs New weight: 18st 3.5lbs Woop Woop!!!'

So I've been back on it the last week or so. I joined Fat Fighters (aka Weight Watchers) with my mate on Monday. A bit of a revised weight, I'm 18st 8lbs but that's ok. I've restarted my jars of pebbles so I can see the weight loss. I've also been back to the gym. Yesterday, I actually managed to run on the treadmill. It was unexpected and almost like an out of body experience. I was aware that someone was running and then I realised it was me :-)  I was so chuffed with myself lol and started to look around for someone to tell. Today I did a Zumba class and then an hour in the gym. It's still a struggle to go but I'm going and I'm hoping that by going so much it will start to become a habit.  I've decided to book myself in for some tough classes to really test where my fitness is. I'm going to give Yoga and Pilates a go and see how I feel about them. I'm not a relaxed person but my sister raves about yoga. I tried Tai Chi but was bored out of...

It's been ages since I last posted here and it's been quite an event few months for me. First thing is first, my job. When I last posted, I was just about to start my new job. I'm really glad to say that it's going well. Every job has it's moments but all in all, the last 10 months have been good. I've just been offered another job which is more down the route that I want to take my career on so I start there in a couple of weeks time. I can't wait for this new job but I'm going to miss the guys and girls that I currently work with. My new new job is back to office hours, Mon to Fri and I know that that will help me get my work/life balance sorted.  I got my driving licence!!! I know that's not a big deal to a lot of people but I live in a wee village in the back end of Fife. It's like having freedom that I never knew that I was missing. It also means for Matt that he can go out and have a drink and I'll pick him up. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE dr...

As I went to write this post, I realised that I've almost written 200 posts on my blog so decided to change tact slightly. I had originally been planning on using this to talk about my new job but am going to use it as a wee bit of reflection. I'll start with the good news though. I was offered (and have accepted and started) the most amazing job offer. I am now a Junior Sister (equivalent of an NHS Junior Band 6) at a Private Company and I'm over the moon about it!! I've had the question 'how did you swing that'. Truthfully I'm not entirely sure. I went for a staff nurse job and when they called back they offered me the promotion. This is me getting back into nursing so I did a lot of soul searching as to whether I could cope with the role. I decided I could and my first real shift is Monday. I'm using the news above as the starting point for my reflection. When I think back about where I was in August 2013, it wasn't a good headspace. Septembe...

In my last post, I spoke about my challenge for 2014 being the Moonwalk. My preparation for it is now well under way. I've started working with a personal trainer at the gym and this will week starts to incorporate the actual training programme that Walk the Walk have sent out. It's quite a daunting thought that I'm going to be walking 26 miles. Things otherwise have been weird lately. I'm missing my granny quite a lot just now. Things are a bit of a crossroads for me and she would be the one that I would turn to about it and I'm missing having her there. Everyone I've spoken to about her death knows that the way things happened isn't what I would have wanted for her and I think that compounds it for me. I know she was in her 80's but it was unexpected and I keep thinking about what was the last thing I said to her. With my dad and my grandad, we got to 'engineer' our last moments with them but not with granny. I'm also acutely aware that ...

For a while now, I've said that I was going to do a challenge of some sort and I've ended up doing the Race for Life and nothing else. But this year, I've signed up for my biggest challenge to date. I'm doing the Edinburgh Moonwalk!!! 26 miles on a Saturday night on June!! Oh ya, is all I can say. I think over the next 15 weeks the treadmill at the gym will become my best friend. https://moonwalkscotland2014.everydayhero.com/uk/claire-11 Please dig deep and sponsor me for it. It's going to be a huge boost to my weight loss but more importantly I'm raising money in the fight against cancer. It affects 1 in 3 of us, that's a huge number that needs to reduce. On a weight loss note, I did spin for the first time last night. Ouch!!! I was exhausted and I felt like my legs were on fire and I only did 40 mins. It was good though, I loved the feeling afterwards. I didn't weigh in this week but I will on Sunday and we'll see. I have my personal training ...

Well another week done and dusted and it's been a terrible week in terms of what I've eaten in that I've eaten what I really fancy. So here goes the weigh in Last week: 18st 9lbs (261 lbs) Lost - 1lb Current weight: 18st 8lbs (260 lbs) Bit of a surprise if I'm honest but I'll take it!! It's been a quiet week otherwise really. Spent the week concentrating about getting stuck into my new job and will incorporate the gym this week. It's been quite hard going back to working 5 days a week and I've been knackered lol! I've also discovered a new wee snack, it's a wee biscuits/cheese/chutney by a company called LowLife. Gorgeous!!!! I'm planning to do my first spin class this week. Well it's not a spin class as such. The bikes in my gym have a setting that mean I can set them to take me through a spin class. Not going to be a good experience for the people on the bikes next to me but hey ho :-) The class in my gym are all only 30 mins lo...

Another week down and another weigh in done. So here goes: Last week: 18st 12lbs (264 lbs) Lost: 3lbs!!!! Current weight: 18st 9lbs (261 lbs) I haven't done a jot of exercise this week, it's all been diet so I'm really chuffed with this weight loss. I've started a new job, not a nursing job, but it pays the bills. I've also joined a new gym in Edinburgh. With this new job, I won't be able to make it back to Fife for any of the Fife circuit/CPT classes that I was looking to do so this gym is cheap as chips and it runs enough classes for my liking. I can't get to the gym tomorrow because I have a meeting so it'll be a start on Tuesday after work. I'm really looking forward to it :-) At the end of this week, I'm having the girls round to the house for an Arbonne party so that'll be a good laugh: bit of food, some drinks and a bit of girlie banter. It's a while since I've had the girls round so I'm looking forward to catchi...

I'm going to start this blog with an admission. I didn't post a weigh in post last week because I had put on weight again. Last week I put on 3lbs :-( but on the plus side, I went for an amazing night out with wee Noms as almost like a final blow out. So I start this post weighing 19st 3lbs :-( Boo!! But today, I did weigh in and I lost 5lbs!!!! Woop woop. Stats Last week: 19st 3lbs (269lbs) Current weigh: 18st 12lbs (264lbs) Lost 5lbs Weight to go: 8st 12lbs (124lbs) I also discovered a new fitness DVD this week. It's by Jillian Michaels and is called Shed and Shred. Amazing! I forgot how much I love the buzz of hard exercise. I'm going to get a couple of stones off and go to the circuit type training that I've spoken about in past posts. Not a big blog this week, not a lot has happened this week. Maybe something exciting will happen over the course of this week......

Week 1 was a complete bust. I ate crap and wasn't really in the mood to do anything in terms of exercise.  The first time I went out running, I ended up soaking wet and generally feeling rotten and it just put me off. The wind was biting and I really couldn't get past how cold & miserable I was. If any runners read this, I would really appreciate some advice on how you get past the cold when you're running.  I weighed in on Sunday and had put on a pound. So the first week of my resolution didn't go so well but there are still 51 weeks to achieve it. So..... Previous weight: 18st 13lbs (265lbs) Gain: 1lb :-( New weight: 19st (266lbs) I bought a exercise DVD on Sunday as well. I generally don't buy them. I think they're all a bit of a con and when you get used to the routine, it all gets a bit boring. However, this year I bought the fitness DVD that Vicky from Geordie Shore produced. I've watched every season of Geordie Shore and I really like he...

Happy New Year!! Hope everyone had a brilliant Christmas and New Year. Ours was all family orientated. Matt's birthday fell in between but he got to spend that at the football so he was happy. So it's 2014. This is going to be a much better year than last, I can feel it in my bones. I'm going back to nursing (just waiting on the necessary paperwork to start). It was a huge decision but the right one. I was starting to miss it. That's the major change from the end of 2013. My weight loss journey has restarted with a bang. I went for a 7.71km run a day or so ago and plan to go out again tomorrow. I'm using a book called 'Run Fat B!tch, Run' to help me with my training programme. It's brutal in that it tells the truth but brilliant at the same time. Wll it's maybe not for the faint hearted but I really like it. I've also had a weigh in and am ashamed to say that I have put on so much weight :-( So a wee stats update: Current weight: 18st 13lbs (2...

It's around this time of the year that I normally get a bit reflective and say what the plan is for the year coming. I can honestly say that 2013 has been a horrible year and I can't wait to see the back of it. Professionally, I started my career and had to take a break in the same year. It started apart from all friends and family. A huge plus point though, I made some amazing friends down in Manchester. When I came home, my personal life took a nose dive and impacted me from a work perceptive. I graduated and found out that I was pregnant on the same day. An amazing day! Unfortunately we all know the outcome of the pregnancy. In September, I took on a new challenge to get my mojo back and I'm still working at that. My weight loss disappeared into the ether but I'm human and life got in the way. I plan to pick it back up again in 2014. The year is ending on a sour note though. We lost my granny just over a week ago. She really was an amazing woman. She beat c...

I'm not sure what has prompted this blog entry but I just felt like it was the right time to get back to it.  I was sure that it was the right decision when I read my last post at the beginning of September. I was in a horrible place and I'm not sure I realised how bad it was.  I have done what I said in the last post and I'm not in nursing. I've got another job elsewhere making use of my customer service experience, you don't get much better customer service than nursing :-)  My weight loss had all but stopped and I was eating crap. As a consequence I've put on weight and am not heavier than when I started writing this blog. But it's ok because I'm back on it. Today is day 1 and it's started with a bang. I'm writing this after having done a gym session which started at 6am this morning! Keen or what!?!?  I'm also much better in my own head. I suppose what I've learnt is that I have to stop comparing what I went through to othe...

Just when I think I'm getting back to normal, something happens and I realise that I'm not.  I'm struggling with everything. I'm fine in one on one company but anymore than that and I'm uncomfortable. I went on a hen night this weekend and although I couldn't stay long (I was working), I felt really awkward. I would normally have been chatting and interacting with other people, strangers or not, but it just wasn't the case. I'm trying to put myself into as many of these situations as I can but that's just making me worse. I've been back to the doctors various times over the last few weeks and now have to go for a hospital appointment. I'm just not coping with life in general. I'm depressed, anxious and not sleeping which is adding to everything else. I wasn't sure about talking about this on here but I promised when I started this that I would be honest and I've got nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.  I...